Millenium Travel Pt3

 Downtown Bangkok

25/1/02 - Downtown Bangkok

Today TC and I thought we would treat ourselves to a traditional Thai massage while also visiting a rather large famous reclining gold Buddha type chap. We hopped onto a water taxi and enjoyed a pleasurable trip up the Chao Phraya river to Bangkok’s oldest and largest temple, Wat Pho.* For those of you who have never experienced Thailand, (or in fact any other nation whose culture has a penchant for ornate gold everything), go have a look at your local theatre (if it’s more than 20-30 years old). Combine the experience with a viewing of the movie “The King and I”, 1956. Leave out Yule Brynner singing and the Rogers and Hammerstein “Shall we Dance” routines and you now have a thinly veiled idea of the splendour of this amazing place.

*Re-modelled, apparently, in the ornate post-Ayutthaya style by a couple of kings called Rama lama dingdong or something similar.

After the cultural tour through the golden splendour* that was Wat Pho, we went to search for massages of a Thai nature. To describe the experience I must run with the few choice descriptive words and phrases which positively spring, like Tigger on speed, into my mind. Words such as…sadist for example, or purveyor of pain perhaps or, even executor of extreme ouchiness all go a small way to giving an idea of my feelings at the time. Visions of the implements of torture used, in medieval times, to inflict immense amounts of pain and suffering onto the populace, pale into insignificance like harmless toys when compared to the hands, fingers and knuckles of your average Thai masseuse. Alright, so I admit that I did actually feel a tad looser when the whole episode was over but still…the pain…oh the pain!

*Apparently bright yellows and gold’s are the colours of enlightenment. A bit obvious really. It would be hard not to see what was going on if everything was painted bright yellow and gold.

By the time TC and I returned to the aromatic, wooden, temporary place of habitual abode*. We had both made a major decision. The IT avec TC are on the road to Kanchanaburi on the famous River Kwai.** We received plenty big info on the subject from a chap called Matt who lives in a forest with monks…so it must be true and kosher!

*The backpackers in Sampeng.

**As in Bridge on the River Kwai…Alec Guinness, 1957, it’s a classic, check it out

26/1/02 - Fantasy body size land/Bangkok

Arranged our trip to Kanchanaburi and proceeded to do bugger all else due to heat exhaustion. Actually, that last statement was a big fat lie based on my own denial and bad form. Did In fact return to Khao San Road in an attempt to purchase some loose vest tops. For some bizarre reason, known to no-one in particular, I actually thought that I might have slimmed down to rice and veg Asian size in the space of 48hrs!

Question: Why would I think this?

Answer: Ask the people who go back to the fridge after 10mins in the vain hope that the 2 slices of bread, half an onion and the dehydrated lettuce that were its only previous contents, have miraculously morphed into something a lot more appetising. It’s the same optimistic concept.

The result of this optimistic endeavour was an angry 10min rant on the idiotic business sense of those who do not realize that their main customer base i.e., Westerners, come in more sizes than bloody wafer thin skinny. This was in fact about the time that I arrived back once again feeling very large and bulbous. I believe it was at this point I was overcome with heat exhaustion and had to retire to my room all “Jane Austen” like and very “Out of Sorts”.

N.B.

At this stage I feel obliged to point out that, if you haven’t already noticed, I tend to describe things in relation to movies, the characters from movies or the literature that inspired movies. This will no doubt continue as a descriptive theme throughout this bijou novelette …what can I say, I like movies.

Yet another N.B. So, how did these chain of events change my life as I knew it? 
For the first time ever I admitted that my body shape, and dissatisfaction with it, was my own fault and only I could change it...also had to admit that it would probably take longer than 48 hrs and  involve more than one Thai massage to achieve this goal but, at least I have a goal :)